Good morning Hank; it’s Tuesday, March 17th
2021. It’s Question Tuesday, the day that I answer real questions from real Nerdfighters.
Let’s get right to it. Can you start the video by telling Hank the
wrong day? Sure. Is it cougish if a seventeen year old girl
goes out with a fifteen year old guy? When did cougish happen? How is cougish a
thing when French the Llama continues inexplicably not to be a thing? Anyway, that does not strike
me as cougish, it strikes me as completely normal. Can you speak Dutch?
No. I keep trying to get through a whole interaction with someone only speaking Dutch, so I’ll
be like: “Een bier dankuwel” And the person will be like: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand
what you’re saying. Do you want a beer?” What’s the most archaic thing you know how
to do? Pretty good at turning magazine pages. Why didn’t you show the “Good morning Hank
it’s Wednesday” from Plainfield, Indiana? There’s something wrong with my phone, and
I can’t get videos from my phone into my computer. Like: Insert Plainfield video… Yeah, that
didn’t work. Why are pirates pirates?
Because they failed out of ninja university. Who the eff is Hank?
Hank is a Trans-Neptunian object 27 percent more massive than Pluto. Hank was originally
named Zena, after the warrior princess, but then the scientific team that discovered Hank
decided that Hank should be named something more astronomy-ish. Like Hank. Why haven’t you done Peanut Butter Face in
a long time? I disagree with your premise. This guy is really affecting my vision. Oh
yeah, that’s much better. Oh, Peanut Butter Face. What were some of the original titles of your
books? Oh I’m glad I did Peanut Butter Face before
I answered the literary question. They were always really pretentious, like “More Light
Than Heat” or “An Imperial Affliction”. Both of which, it occurs to me, would be really
good with the ‘in your pants’ rule. Can you explain the ‘in your pants’ thing?
Yeah, our friend Maureen Johnson discovered that book titles are funnier when you add
‘in your pants’ to the end of them. Like The Nature of Monsters in your pants, or The Pleasures
and Sorrows of Work in your pants, or La Festa è Finita in your pants. If Henry had been a girl, what would you have
named her? The Yeti and I agreed in advance that if the
baby was a boy, he would be named Henry, and if the baby was a girl, she would be named
Bubbles the Nerdfighting Lady Baby. Are we ever gonna find out the lie from the
April Fools video? Yeah, the lie was that there was no lie. How’s Amsterdam?
It’s great! The peanut butter is delicious! Has Helen Hunt heard the Helen Hunt song yet?
No, but did you know that Helen Hunt has a Twitter? What happens inside a black hole?
We don’t really know, but scientists believe that being inside of a black hole is a great
way to feel special because you’re guaranteed to become a singularity. Anyone? No… Singularity
jokes? It’s physics. It’s funny ’cause it’s theoretical. Can you restock the DFTBA shirts, please?
Bing, bing, bing, bing, done. All these shirts are back in stock at dftba.com, your independently
owned, uncorporate, deliciously disorganized, friendly neighborhood e-tailer. What are the marks on your arm?
They’re birth marks. Get used to them because they’re gonna be around for the rest of my
life. Unless my arm gets cut off… How do you feel about Hank being a meme?
It’s not like it’s a competition or anything, but just to be clear: I am also a meme. Where is Willy? Is he there with you in Amsterdam?
No. Willy’s staying with the Yeti’s aunt and uncle who he likes far better than he likes
me. Willy has regarded me with suspicion ever since I revealed to you his inability to achieve
a full tail-rection. He may not like me very much, but I bet he wishes he was here right
now. What is Willy’s middle name?
Um…I guess technically it’s Wilson Bubbles the Nerdfighting Puppy Roberts. What are we doing for Hanko de Mayo?
There is a link in the dooblydoo on this very topic. Please click on it right now unless
you are Hank. Hank, if you click on that link, I will cut off your fingers! Probably not;
that’s an exaggeration, but there will be serious consequences. There won’t be any consequences,
but don’t click on the link! Shouldn’t you be writing your new book right
now? Yes. Yes, I should. Hank, I’ll see you on